How To End A Relationship

Even the strongest of souls turn into cowards with faced with the necessity of ending a relationship. The reason is simple: breaking up with your partner almost always causes a great deal of hurt. No one really likes the idea of setting out to do something that will cause someone pain, in particular when that someone is a person with whom you shared something special.

The knowledge that you’re going to hurt someone you loved in the not-too-distant past can be a serious guilt-trip. But it’s important to fight against those feelings. Guilt is not good relationship “glue.” If you stay with your partner out of guilt, you are cheating both of you out of the possibility of healthy relationships

with new, more suitable partners. Plus, if you stay out of guilt, you’ll build up a huge store of resentment toward the other person. When the relationship does at last come to an end, that built-up resentment will make the split all the more painful. Besides, if you’re feeling guilt and/or resentment, you’re no longer feeling good in this relationship. Staying with your partner at this point shows a lack of respect for your own feelings.

Okay. So, you’ve resolved to end things. But do it the right and proper way. Don’t just ignore your boyfriend and pray he’ll take the hint. Have you heard of playing “hard to get?” That’s the effect of ignoring him. He’ll pursue you with greater fervor than ever. That’s not what you want.

No Platitudes

Instead, think about how you can break up in such a way as to soften the pain your partner will feel. There’s no point prefacing the break up with platitudes, like, “You’re a great guy and you deserve someone who can appreciate you better than I.” That will only cause him to assure you how great you are and that you do, in fact, deserve him. You don’t want to invite persuasion or argument.

What is needed in a break up is good old-fashioned honesty. Anything less shows a lack of respect for your partner and robs him of his dignity. A simple truthful explanation softens the impact of the break up.

By the same token, as hard as it is, ending the relationship demands face-time. He deserves to be told in person and not through a phone call or text message. It isn’t just about the words; verbal communication is just a small part of the communication between two people, perhaps 7%. The majority of communication is expressed through body language and eye contact. Only by ending things in person can both of you arrive at the point where closure is possible.

Minimize Pain

After the break up, try not to occupy the same space as your former partner, even though the two of you are likely to have mutual friends and the same preferred hangouts. It’s best not to remain in contact with your ex-partner even in a friendly way, as this leads to the false hope that the two of you might get back together again. Avoiding contact helps to minimize the pain that comes with ending the relationship.  Maybe down the road after some time has passed you two can give it a go at friendship.

Leave a Comment